The 3 Crucial Steps Of True Change

Have you tried to change before but at some point ended up frustrated in old patterns? I know I have.
My grandma, being rather a pessimistic about people’s capabilities, always used to tell me that people never change. I guess that is a wide spread belief because changing your personality is by far the hardest thing to do. It takes determination and a deep desire of a better future.

I honor those who embark upon the challenge. From my own experience in up-leveling many areas of my life, moving from destructive relationships, through addictions and low self-worth, I know it can be really tough. It pushes you past your comfort zone. You crack open and feel vulnerable before you get established in a new energy, in new more productive habits. It’s a journey and yet with such a rewarding outcome.

Have you ever tried to change your ways? Did you ever want to change a behavior or belief that you got tired of having? You realized it just keeps you stuck in old ways – and that resonating in this vibration, only attracts more of what you already had…and don’t want?

Let’s make this fun: I want you to pick an area in your business or life, that you’ve wanted to change, but haven’t gotten around to yet.
Now, let me shine a bit of light on what true and lasting change is made of.


The first step of change is to realize, on a logical level, that what you are doing is not benefiting your growth, well-being, health or other area. You need to realize logically that it is counter-productive. Continuing like this will NOT lead you to a happier and better life.

For example, you know it would be very beneficial for your business to get a certain strategic partnership. Yet you procrastinate reaching out to them. You realize on a logical level that this behavior doesn’t support your business growth and won’t attract your desired abundance. Everybody would agree. It’s logical.
The pitfall many people fall into is that they think at this point they can work with pure will power to change their behavior. Your will power can be strong and you might make it for some time, but in a weak moment you might fall back into old habits.
In this example it may mean going back into your comfort zone, where you don’t have to be visible and own your full potential to be a great strategic partner yourself.

Often this is followed by self-hate, punishment and more destructive behavior. Nothing you want to pursue. Actually studies have shown that we humans have only a certain amount of will power available to us and we already use a lot of it to withstand the many impulses of society throughout the day. We “need” to get a new hair color, a slimmer body, we “need” to buy hundreds of products, we “needn’t” eat that chocolate, we “need” to work harder…the list is endless. We rely on our willpower so much, that it’s no wonder we end up slacking in some areas.

The resistance to change will show up in the area that holds the greatest potential for your growth and for shining our light. <- remember this, as this is a very important indicator for your biggest growth area!


Also called “the breakdown”. You break. Your behavior hurts you beyond your imagination.  You can’t stand continuing like this. The torture is too big. You would do anything just to make it stop and stop hating yourself for not being able to change. This is the point where you go look for help outside yourself.

This is a crucial step for change because finally you realize that you are powerless. That you can’t do it alone. You surrender. You let go of control. You don’t try to solve the issue alone anymore, because you realize you are incapable.
This is where the ego jumps in and tries to tell you that you CAN do it, if you just try a bit harder. It doesn’t want to be “humiliated” by admitting that it is too weak.
If you picked a real area of change in your life, like I suggested in the beginning of the text, I bet you just thought EXACTLY that. “I can do it alone. I don’t need anyone to help me. I just didn’t have enough time {insert what you thought} to have accomplished it yet.” Did you notice how your ego felt hurt and it had to jump up and claim it’s competence?

It’s ok. Be assured that surrendering and admitting that you are powerless to change is the strongest and most courageous action you will ever take in your life. It’s so freeing and empowering at the same time. 

In this step I suggest (as well as the 12 Step Course of Alcoholics Anonymous, which has led millions of people to change their destructive behaviors) that you surrender to Spirit/God/the Universe. Whatever you like to call it. Spirit is powerful beyond measure and can support you in real life in magical ways.

I, for example, surrendered my food habits to Spirit and went to the cinema. I love popcorn, so I ordered a medium sized pack. Yet, what I get is a small one. As the popcorn addict that I am, I ask the girls behind the counter why they hand me a small one, when I order a medium size. They both SWEAR I said small. I never order small. That sounds ridiculous to me (remember, popcorn lover). I know, I said medium.

Spirit is with you and will support you in ways you can’t even imagine. You just need to be open to receiving. I was amazed at how clear and easy spirit works. 


This is the step where you put yourself in the shoes of the future version of yourself. This person already has all that you want. Business success, healthy eating patterns, a slim body, romantic love – whatever it may be.

It’s very important to get clear on what you truly desire and to declutter everything that is not aligned to your vision. You need to take time every day to feel how that future you feels and acts. This way you can resonate with your desires and rapidly attract them into the hear and now. You need to embody the person you desire to be, right now.

Play a role for now, if you must, but it is crucial to start acting and thinking like the new you. This will gradually change your resonance and attract what you desire.

Yes, I understand this is not a potion you take and poof you are a changed woman, but it’s okay to put some effort in a new happy and successful life, no? The Universe will always conspire to make your dreams come true. So, you just have to go half the way! Plus there are wonderful tools to create lasting change. If you’d like you can read more about “How to Be the Change” in this blog post.

So, now realize what behaviors you want to change, have a little messy breakdown, share it with a support group, put out the intention and vision to the Universe and be the new you now. You can always ask me to support you and put together a package to create change. 

Now, I’d like to hear from you!
Any experiences about change that you’d like to share? Do you maybe have a similar story to my popcorn story? Looking forward to hearing from you!

Much love and light
Sharon Kirstin